


My Funny Hunny

by ThatScottishShipper



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Community: dbh-kinkmeme, Embarrassment, Established Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Happy Ending, Humiliation, Kissing, M/M, Nines is not impressed, Pet Names, Prompt Fill, Secret Relationship, Situational Humiliation, Swearing, Workplace Relationship, dont repost to another site
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23315557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatScottishShipper/pseuds/ThatScottishShipper
Summary: Fill from the DBH Kink Meme from the anonymous prompt:Hank/Connor, accidental pet nameConnor accidentally calls Hank a pet name in the station. He then proceeds to cover himself by playing it off as a software bug, by referring to literally everyone in the precinct as ‘honey’, ‘baby’, ‘sugarplum’ etc.(I can't decide whether this is funnier as pre-relationship, with Connor pining, or established-but-currently-under-wraps relationship with Hank quietly losing his shit in the corner watching Connor try and dig himself out of this hole.)
Relationships: Hank Anderson/Connor
Comments: 14
Kudos: 159





	My Funny Hunny

“Right behind you, honey.”

The Lieutenant barely made it out of his chair when then the terrible silence descended upon the entire place.

The Lieutenant closed his eyes, slowly preparing for his professional world to come crashing down around him. He had only just begun to repair the damage his drinking and depression caused.

Why? Of all the times for Connor to be so sweet, adopting Hank’s pet name for him, why did it have to now?

At work, at peak time?

In Detroit’s Police Department where Connor casually dropped the motherload in front of everyone.

His fingers clutched the arm rests, a cold sweat flushing through him. Every pair of eyes in the room were upon them now, including Connor who caught on quickly.

A flash of red swallowed his LED, big brown apologetic eyes meeting his Partner and secret lover of many months from across the table, as he realised his error.

But it was too little, too late.

Who could mistake Detroit’s prestiged Lieutenant being called  _ ‘honey’ _ in a bustling room of detectives? By his Android Partner?

An awkward cough pierced the silence, and Hank became stuck the worst sort of social trap. Should he acknowledge it right off the bat, or ignore it? Getting out his chair alone, with those bloody squeaking wheels, drew attention towards him, but he  _ had _ to leave at some point.

He felt his soul leave his body, his life snuffed out in a single mishap.

Until Connor’s voice commanded him, and all present.

“My apologies, Lieutenant… sugar daddy. There have been errors in my software as of late where my memory bank has become muddled with my backup files for undercover identities, namely false dating information. Until this situation is resolved, forgive me if I address you as anything untoward… Stud muffin.”

As their eyes met a little too long, all logical thought left Hank’s brain, leaving him a mess. Was this seriously the hill Connor wanted to die on? To smother him with embarrassment until nothing was left of him?

Before he could storm from his chair, and enforce some damage control on this evident idiocy, Gavin’s irritating cackle kept him rooted. The Detective leered from over his table, thoroughly amused by Hank’s discomfort.

“Calling it. Bullshit.”

When Connor turned to acknowledge Gavin, Hank’s anxiety worsened. What began as a slip of the tongue was at threat of spiralling out of control. He didn’t want them to know, and it was all becoming a circus with Hank being the one-man attraction.

_ ‘Connor, don’t. For the love of -’ _

Equally as disturbed by the developments unseen by even his social software, Connor strode over to Detective Reed’s desk, channelling the negotiator he was made to be.

He had made a mistake that impacted Hank, so he had to fix things, and this was the first thing that came to mind. Even as his systems screamed with panic, his flickering LED showing an Android under duress, he committed to the bullshit.

He owned it. All for Hank.

“Oh, I am quite serious… doll face,” Connor replied, a poker face of champions.

Sprinting back in his chair, Gavin grimaced. “What did you just call me?”

“Doll face,” Connor repeated, frowning at the lengths he was prepared to go for this. “I assure you it is rather inconvenient in my role as a detective and member of law enforcement.”

Desperation mounted when Gavin’s work Partner, Nines, appeared from the staff area, with offerings of pitch black coffee. He had barely reached the desk before Gavin span around, jabbing a finger at Connor.

“Hey, tin can! Big brother here is claiming to be on the fritz, called me ‘doll face,’ and-”

As Gavin continued to rant, Nines parted his lips, and Hank nearly shat bricks right there. Because of course unassuming, truthful Nines would expose them, having no clue why his brother unit was lying.

But he stopped, those intense blue eyes watching Connor carefully. Their LEDs flickered together, and even if Hank didn’t get translations of computing code, he got faces, and Connor’s spoke loud and clear.

**[WORK WITH ME.]**

Then the next falsehood fell from Connor’s lips before his Mind Palace kept up. “Nines knows about my infliction because it… affects the RK800 and RK900 models exclusively.” Connor kept his gaze on the other Android, placing his faith in Nines, who was less than pleased about being dragged into this affair.

A long conspiratory stare passed between them until Gavin, sick of the silence, peered up at the tower that was his Partner. “He’s bullshittin’, right?”

Resigning to the internal screeching coming from Connor, the RK900 resigned to his answer in a weary manner. “That is affirmative.” A beat. “Baby.”

It was Gavin’s turn to want to curl up and die.  _ ‘Join the club,’ _ Hank mentally cried out, sharing a look of  _ done _ with his enemy of the office.

“With the matter established, Lieutenant…” Connor blinked in connection with a flickering yellow LED. “...snookums and I have a suspect to interrogate. Shall we?”

Hank bit his lip, resisting the urge to scream to the four winds. It took everything he had to spit out a firm, “yeah,” as he got to his feet and followed his Partner out.

xxx

“Connor, what the  _ hell? _ ”

The Lieutenant’s shout bounced across the bathroom walls, but thankfully, they were alone. As Hank paced back and forth, Connor stood straight by the mirrors, tilting his head.

“I understand the situation is less than ideal, but there is no need to shout.” The Android sighed, crossing his arms. “It was an on the spot decision.”

Clutching at the sink, Hank chuckled in disbelief. “To call everyone stud muffin, doll face, and fuckin’ peachie pie to hide  _ us? _ ”

For a moment, Connor considered Hank’s words, then replied candidly as always. “I did not use peachie pie, but I shall file that one away for future use. Humans have such a preoccupation with edibles when referring to their lovers.”

Flushed, Hank glared at Connor, thinking of all the many times he called him  _ honey, honey, honey _ . Something sweet, something golden that complemented his bland toast life, something good for him.

His Connor, his honey that enriched his lonely world and made everything better.

He fell quiet, acknowledging that in his own weird way, his boyfriend was only trying to help. Knowing Connor, he must have felt guilty for letting it slip, and tried to remedy the situation.

With a forgiving sigh, Hank stood upright, and reached out to pat Connor’s shoulder. “Look, I get it. Kinda. But I think they’ve sussed it out. We literally work with a bunch of detectives, Con.”

The Android’s mouth tightened. “That is most likely. I know that you are uncomfortable about others knowing about us, so I wanted to-”

Suddenly, the bathroom door opened, and they were not alone anymore. Hank retracted his hand, but the smirks already greeted them. Instinctively, Connor burst into action.

“Good afternoon, Cupcake. Snuggle Bear. Afternoon urination social, I see. We shall not keep you.”

Officer Brown and Wilson were very unimpressed, shuffling towards the urinals without another word. Hank shot Connor an appreciative smile, recognising when the Android dialled up his ‘limited social software’ capabilities to become the ultimate sassmaster.

But before leaving, Hank caught Brown’s short glance over his shoulder. It said “you’re not fooling anyone, Lieutenant.”

Exactly what Hank Anderson feared.

xxx

Cutie patootie. Poopsie. Schmoopy.

The evening was a whirlwind of sappy pet names hurled at every single person the RK800 came into contact with. Migraines mounted with Hank wanting the day to be over and done with, so they could end the charade with whatever excuse, and get back to normal tomorrow.

But could they ever now that everyone knew?

Their relationship they tried so hard to keep secret, because Hank wanted it that way, was out in the open no matter what ridiculous efforts Connor made to undo his mistake.

It was a little sweet, if incredibly naive.

Across the station, the quietly spoken Nines ceased communication completely, something Gavin seemed relieved about if it meant not being called “baby” anymore.

Though the occasional bright blue flash caught Connor’s troubled brown eyes, informing his brother unit he  _ owed _ him for this.

Hank’s stomach churned, butterflies of anxiety bursting into flames and desperately trying to fan out their own fire to no avail.

Yep. That perfectly summed up the situation.

Every pet name came before a desperate check in Connor’s system, his LED streaming yellow and his eyes blinking rapidly. No one was spared Connor’s sweet and sugary name calling in lieu of their name to keep the charade going.

Ben? Lambchop.

Chris? Handsome.

Jeffrey freaking Fowler when the two got called into his office to explain themselves? “...Captain… Cuddly… wuddly.”

It was the first time Hank saw such resigned dedication to a web of one’s own making that was almost commendable. It was the closest thing he ever saw to Connor exuding quiet horror like a second skin, and honestly, Hank could relate.

Either way, this little incident was certainly another in Hank’s ever growing file of shenanigans and misdemeanours. He never felt more relieved for clocking out in his life.

xxx

Inside the car, Hank gestured to the road, letting Connor take the wheel tonight. “Let's just get ourselves home, huh? Been a long day.”

Wrapping his fingers around the wheel, Connor nodded. “Of course, big boy.”

Massaging his throbbing temple, Hank glowered at him. “Show’s over, Connor. You can drop the shtick. No one around to play pretend for.”

_ ‘Unless you like calling me that,’ _ Hank added as an afterthought. After all, the events of today were a rarity unlikely to repeat. A small pocket in Hank’s heart would miss the romantic sentiments his way as long as it was private.

The Detective stayed quiet for a spell, processing some unknown equation inside his mind before dropping the truth. “I… can’t.”

“What? Whaddaya mean, you can’t?”

“My software…” Connor diagnosed everything a second time, then spoke. “Something must have triggered from trying to re-correct my dialogue in these social situations, processing it all as new information to be saved under…” Digging his fingers into the wheel, the truth dawned on them both.

“I can’t stop, snicker doodle.”

Before Hank underwent a complete meltdown, Connor continued quietly, almost as if to himself. “And I don’t  _ want _ to. I want everyone to know about us, that we’re not hiding in shame. I want everyone about you and I. I want everyone to know I belong to you. You’re my complement.”

Life stood still for Hank, who processed those words with the greatest care, as if they were made of glass and needed to be protected. He felt overcome, unsure of the best way to respond to such tenderness that brought tears to his eyes.

Fearing he spoke out of line, Connor fell back, shoulders drooping. “Or we can continue as we are, if that is what you want, sugarplum.” Hank wasn’t sure if Connor sighed out of disappointment or the irritation of his newfound glitch, but the Lieutenant smiled.

“You know what? Let’s do it. Whole station knows now anyway.” Hank patted Connor’s knee. “Sorry, Con. For what it’s worth, you owned that majestic shit in a way I never could. It’s kinda impressive actually.”

Those warm brown eyes glistened with artificial tears. “Thank you, dearest… Hank. But you can admit it was very unorthodox, ‘cringe’ as you often say.”

“Yeah, total cringe,” Hank admitted. “But you did it for me, so… gold star for trying, honey.”

Connor warmed, always enjoying that tender pet name Hank only gave him, giving a sense of intimacy to their relationship. He hummed softly, appreciating his boyfriend’s attempt to comfort him.

“Hey, whaddaya say we blow this popsicle stand, get ourselves some barbecue wings, then head home for movie night?” Hank grinned, nudging the Android playfully. “And tomorrow, we undo this little mishap? I’m sure one of your buds at Jericho might have a clue.”

Connor’s Thirium pump squeezed at the reassuring touch on his leg. “That sounds perfect… my everything.”

The car went quiet, the two reeling from the emotional weight of Connor’s words drifting like a sigh from his lips. Even the Android appeared startled, gazing at Hank in shock.

“I’m sorry, Hank - my beloved.” The rapid blinking intensified, his stressed system trying to correct itself. “My - Hank… my soul mate? One and only. I can’t - I… My love.”

Stunned, Hank listened as praise showered him, the most beautiful and tender treasures falling from Connor’s lips. His heart swelled, his mouth speechless as he listened to words he never thought he’d hear, erupting like hiccups from Connor’s mouth.

“Darling. Sweetheart. My other half.”

Connor was finally silenced when Hank’s lips found his, bringing everything to a serene calm after such a tense day. The Lieutenant’s arm rested on the head rest, allowing closer contact, and for Connor to lean in. In their own personal bubble, the two became vulnerable for each other, lost in...

A thunderous sound clapped them from their tender moment, and they stared out the car window, only to find the entrance to the DPD crowded with applause and cheering. From somewhere in the crowd, Tina’s energetic voice cried “finally!” as her months of suspicions had been proven. 

Panicked, Connor managed a glitched “Hank,” unsure of who to look at in this situation.

Snorting, Hank realised that Connor’s little technical hiccup was on the mend a little sooner than planned. But that had been alright since Connor’s words served as a cathartic release for the both of them.

_ ‘Still, screw those guys for ruining a perfect moment.’ _

Hank rewarded his fellow colleagues with a well aimed middle finger before whispering something to Connor, and then they were off, for food and for home. Their home.

Among the high fives and completions of bets on the old Hank and Connor debate that rocked the station since  _ forever _ , Gavin cocked his eyebrows at Nines, knowing the whole thing had been a farce.

“...Baby?”

Striding back inside, the RK900 clasped his hands behind his back, and rolled his eyes. “No.”

As snow slowly began to dust Detroit, Gavin shoved his hands in his pockets, sniffing from the cold. “Androids are weird, man.”

**Author's Note:**

> From the Detroit: Become Human Kink Meme by the anonymous prompt.
> 
> _Hank/Connor, accidental pet name_
> 
> _Connor accidentally calls Hank a pet name in the station. He then proceeds to cover himself by playing it off as a software bug, by referring to literally everyone in the precinct as ‘honey’, ‘baby’, ‘sugarplum’ etc._
> 
> _(I can't decide whether this is funnier as pre-relationship, with Connor pining, or established-but-currently-under-wraps relationship with Hank quietly losing his shit in the corner watching Connor try and dig himself out of this hole.)_
> 
> Link to prompt [here](https://dbh-kinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/717.html?thread=92621#cmt92621)
> 
> So, I’ve had my eye on this prompt for quite some time, but life and other fics got in the way. The premise sounded like solid comedy gold, and was right up my alley. Even though mutual pining, getting together fics are totally my bag, not gonna lie, established relationship with freaking out Hank just won me around, so kudos to you, Anon.
> 
> Researching key pet names was oodles of fun, though schnookums and snicker doodle were personal adds because I sometimes call my girlfriend those sometimes. I wanted to maximise the cringe, and went for ones that just gave you second hand embarrassment, or the giggles. Or both?
> 
> I’m a sucker for Hank calling Connor ‘honey,’ so the idea of Connor adopting Hank’s pet names (like he adopts everything else) just worked. And I’m a double sucker for fluff and romance, which definitely shows by the end.
> 
> Thank you very much for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. 💙💙


End file.
